


It Wasn't Him

by izumi2



Series: Karmic Irony (Civil War Team Iron Man) [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Civil War Team Iron Man, Grief is a right, Not Steve Friendly, Srly marvel?, at all, oh the hypocrisy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 03:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14440035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izumi2/pseuds/izumi2
Summary: "... everyone has the right to grieve, and grieving isn't even a choice we can make, it's an essential part of healing a broken heart."-Zoe Clark."Where the grief is fresh, any attempt to divert it only irritates."-Samuel Johnson.~*~In her mind, that was the cruelest thing that someone can do. And it doens't truly change anything.





	It Wasn't Him

**Author's Note:**

> Happy premiere day! *ugh* I'm not gonna watch it but for one and for all, feel free to give me all possible spoilers. I know that I will be pissed anyway so wth...

“It was good to see you again, Peggy.” Steve said his goodbyes and exited the care center. It was a very nice place, with nice grounds, big and a good view no matter the room, she was clearly well taken care of.

And yet, it hurt to think about the life, the family that Peggy had after he went down, but she was the only link he had with the time he lost.

So, naturally, when an explosion in the building sent him flying almost on his face, Steve turned and went right back in.

Ignoring all the other rooms and the people screaming and men and women trying to help those that were trapped or injured, Rogers ran.

Steve ran like his life depended on it. But it wasn’t his life on the line. And if he didn’t get there on time… No! He could and he would, heroes don’t fail.

Rounding the corner he came about a scene that took him a second to understand.

Crouching on all fours and yet clearly humanoid was a black and white man – at least it had the body of one – his…its…skin looked like some kind of animal hide, it was black with some kind of pattern in white, the maw – because that was not a mouth – was filled with razor sharp canines, a thick, inhumanly long tongue out of some parody of a smile.

Steve cursed at himself for not bringing his shield when the creature looked around. It seemed confused by its surroundings before spotting Steve. Without even a second of hesitation, the creature lunged.

The fight was short lived, if only because that thing just kept jumping around before Steve could even reach it. He was faster than Steve and without his shield he had no long distant attacks.

“Stop running away!”

The creature paused as if confused again but soon fists, claws and preys were all he could see. A taste of its strength sent Steve through the wall. Steve had several lacerations in his arms and legs, mostly due to not wanting to dodge when he was right in front of Peggy’s room who was watching the fight with uncomprehending eyes.

Jumping to his feet and ignoring the hazy vision, Steve braced himself when that thing tackled him. Firmly putting his feet and its stomach, he flipped and heard the several satisfying cracks of his adversary taking down the wall’s beams and dropping to the floor.

The walls’ materials were flimsy enough, probably for redecorating purposes but a couple of the beams were very sturdy, sturdier than the others. Even Steve winced at the sound they made when he kicked that creature through them.

Breathing hard, more at the pain of the slashes and the adrenaline of fighting something so clearly not human than being tired, Steve turned to reassure Peggy…

“You idiot.” The whisper caught his Enhanced ears and Steve whipped back to a stunningly aware Peggy Carter that was trying desperately to get out of bed.

Even in his shock, it was plain clear to Steve that Peggy wasn’t staring at him, she was staring up. Following her gaze, he gasped.

The remaining of the beams that were destroyed was crumbling. The walls breaking around them, the wood of the door’s frame whining and splintering.

“PEGGY!”

~*~

Steve couldn’t think straight for several days after that.

Ross, of all damn people, staring at him blandly, condescendingly.

Knowing about Sharon’s connecting to Peggy.

Bucky in Bucharest.

Berlin.

Leipzig.

Siberia…

~*~

Steve was off his game. And Tony seemed to have no qualms about recruiting new Avengers. Returning the Stark to the tower’s name and filling the Compound with new recruits.

Captain Marvel, Daredevil, She-Hulk, Wasp, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Stephen Strange just to name a few.

Even without Tony and Vision there, who cited conflict of interest, it was easy for Rhodes to coordinate them into an effective attack.

It was even easier with Tony, Vision, Strange and Van dyne collaborating to find a way to suppress Captain America and Scarlet Witch’s Enhancements.

Steve’s senses only truly cleared when his lawyer, alongside a therapist began to talk about possible restitutions for the family members of the victims.

Victims…

“They were trying to kill Bucky.”

The therapist just looked towards the attorney that didn’t react in any way, “Hedji Albu and Ehra Blewitt, do you know who they are, Mr. Rogers?”

“No. Should I?”

“After you appropriated that vehicle from a member of the GSG9 member and threw him on the road, the car behind you tried to avoid the officer. His sudden maneuver made the car behind him try to stop, not try to go around the… tumult, but to stop which in turn made the car behind crash into him. The driver was 32 years old Ehra Blewitt, 7 months pregnant. A nurse. Neither survived the impact.”

Steve’s breath came in heavily but he couldn’t feel the air in his lungs, this wasn’t… this wasn’t supposed to go this way.

The lawyer was relentless thou, “Hedji Albu was 24, an intern in a law firm that works mostly as a courier since he only begun this year when Mr. Barnes took his bike and, much like yourself, threw him into upcoming traffic. Unlike that officer from GSG9, Mr. Albu wasn’t so lucky. The cab driver didn’t manage to stop in time and he was ran over. His family just decided to stop palliative care last week. They weren’t trying to kill Mr. Barnes.”

Steve didn’t know what to say.

“They weren’t the only casualties, naturally. And yet… an argument can be made that neither you nor Mr. Barnes were truly responsible. After all, if that car tried to steer instead of stopping, if that cab driver pressed his breaks a little earlier…and yet that doesn’t absolve your involvement. I’m sorry, Mr. Rogers but even using the fact that you thought your friend was in danger from the armed men…saying that those men and women were in the way is not an argument.”

~*~

It was long after the trials, long after the world knew all the horrific facts about Siberia, about Wanda’s involvement with Ultron, her crazy ‘justification’ for joining HYDRA, for becoming a Nazi…

“Another one, Rogers” Steve didn’t know what to think about the guard on charge. He was taciturn and cold but didn’t seem to relish in what he did like the day guard.

Either way, he was in charge of strapping Steve down in an Adamantium chair so the family of the victims could talk to Steve, hear the apology he was forced to rehearse time and time again until his therapist and the PR were satisfied.

Today was different. In a simple metal chair but wearing the power suppressing cuffs, Wanda was escorted into the room.

“Wanda!”

“Steve!”

“What is this?” his demands were ignored but a controller was pressed into his hand and the sound and bullet proof glass slid between Wanda and Steve and the single chair on the other side.

A middle aged woman walked into the room. She was sharply dressed in a grey suit that complimented her dark skin, she calmly sat in the chair and made herself comfortable before staring at them.

“I suppose neither of you know who I am.” Her voice matched her appearance. Strong but calm.

“I’m sorry ma’am.” Steve thought they were past all this but he knew that the demand of the bullet and soundproof glass was the visitor’s choice and yet… this woman didn’t look as terrified as the ones that asked for it. Too afraid of them without the extra measure but hurting in their grief and wanting to confront them. The controller was to put the visitation to a halt and also to be heard in the coms. Wanda never used hers.

“My name is Miriam Sharpe. I work for the Human Resources of the Unites States Department of State. My son’s name is Charlie Spencer. You never heard of him either, have you?”

“I don’t…” Steve stopped. He spent so long trying to understand how this went so badly so fast, Tony’s words echoing in his head.

_“He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia. He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won’t know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.”_

“Tony told us about him. He died in Sokovia.” This seemed to break her walls a little and even got Wanda’s apathetic stare to gain a little interest. Miriam looked surprised at what he said before a half, bittersweet smile took over.

“Huh. Who would have thought? Well…”

“If you are here to blame me like those…”

“I’m here to do no blaming. I think I did more than enough of that for a lifetime.”

Steve could only wince at the first real words Wanda ever spoke to anyone that came to say their piece but he was taken back at Miriam’s expression. It was hard, pain in her eyes but she wasn’t angry or crying.

“For you to understand what I have to say, a little context is needed. From what I saw, you people seemed very… oblivious to context.”

Which made Steve grit his teeth, yes, it has been thoroughly rubbed in his face how much he didn’t know.

“It is of my understanding that you are currently 28 years old, Ms. Maximoff, is that correct?” but Wanda reversed to her silent state, just glaring at the woman and Miriam didn’t seem surprised, “18 years ago, I was already working for the DOS so I have a more…I have a deeper understanding on how things ended the way they did.” This time Miriam looked more thoughtful as if she wasn’t sure what to expect, but not hesitant or scared, “It was the DOS that advised the, then president, to support Sokovia’s government via the purchase of several armaments, among them Pym, VistaCorp and Stark tech. We are part of the reason you became an orphan.”

Steve could only cringe as Wanda cursed and yelled, in English, in her native language until she was panting and crying and unable to even hide her face with her hands strapped to the chair. Miriam sighed but her face didn’t soften when she looked from Wanda to Steve.

“After the unmitigated disaster that was 2015, we liaised a lot with Sokovia, obviously, but with South Africa as well. What do you know? Even after the world found out about Maximoff’s involvement, her culpability in the Hulk’s rampage… the South Africans are not very fond of the color green. Maximoff was responsible but that didn’t make them feel any less hostile towards the Hulk or Dr. Banner for that matter.” Miriam sighed again, “Even after those videos were released, how Maximoff manipulated Tony Stark’s mind, how she let him take the scepter, knowing full well that nothing good would come from it…I still don’t want to be in the same room as Stark. The anger I felt a year ago has not passed, it just increased. It didn’t shift targets, made me stop hating Stark and begun to hate Maximoff. Now I just feel the same way about you, Ms. Maximoff, well, perhaps worse, after all, you did hid from the world behind the man that didn’t even know he was mind controlled in first place.”

Miriam’s stare wasn’t particularly impressive and something was telling Steve that she wasn’t trying to be, she wasn’t glaring, she was just staring, as if trying to decipher something, “I watched. The sentences, you speaking your part. And something caught my interest. You almost were demanding that Stark **_gives_** you that Retro-Framing technology so that Mr. Barnes may be freed of HTDRA’s influence.”

“I also watched those Siberia videos and thus… what I came here to say, actually, what I came here to ask.” She took a deep breath.

“It wasn’t me, in specific, who advised the president to sell those missiles for the Sokovian government and yet it **_was_** my division. We are all partially responsible for that shell hitting your home, Ms. Maximoff. Just like our former president that took our advice, just like your government for purchasing them in the first place, just like your people for being in a civil war. Perhaps you never thought about that but don’t you think it’s strange that the shell hit your home? Your parents were civilians, nowhere near involved in either faction. A faction of the civil war took down the airplane containing those missiles, it was never engaged. Stark was hardly the only to blame.”

“Dr. Banner’s struggles to contain the Hulk are worldwide known by now and there is a lot of sympathy for everything he lost, everything he still goes through. Knowing his academic accomplishments, knowing that even on the run he was always trying to help those in need, knowing he didn’t voluntarily transform that day and even knowing Maximoff’s involvement… Johannesburg is still recovering in all senses. Financially, structurally and emotionally. They didn’t suddenly stop feeling what they were feeling about Dr. Banner.” Miriam bit her lip, the first tell of hurt she didn’t manage to curb in time.

“And knowing that Stark wasn’t in his right mind didn’t stop my rage.”

“It wasn’t connecting in my head. The exact words I needed for this meeting. But that video finally did it. Witnessing that confrontation in Siberia, the Starks being murdered by a weapon wearing Mr. Barnes’ face, a weapon controlled by HYDRA, watching Stark’s grief and rage…”

The woman reached inside her purse and fought the _déjà vu_ , she took out a tablet and showed Steve a picture.

The face that still made his blood boil in rage.

“This is Venom, tacky I think but the media is hardly very inventive. He was credited for almost half a million dollars in property damages and the death of Margaret Carter. She used to mean something to you, didn’t she?” Miriam didn’t stop for an answer and swiped the screen, this time showing a logo.

“A few months ago it was found that ‘Venom’ was actually an experiment of Oscorp’s called ‘the Symbiote’, the result of their attempts in recreating the Super Soldier Serum and this,” she swiped the screen one more time, a man in his late twenties, “is Edward Brock, just turned 30 years old. The Symbiote is a sentient biomass, I won’t go into the details that I hardly understand myself, but basically, this thing has a mind of its own and took possession of Mr. Brock.” One more swipe where a security camera from some grocery shop recorded when that swirling, almost oily looking black thing jumped Brock, Steve watched as the man tried to get that thing off but was ultimately being completely covered by that goo that turned him into the monster that killed Peggy.

When she was sure that Steve saw it all, Miriam swiped again and kept the tablet towards Rogers, two pictures, side by side of Venon and of Brock.

“I came to the only conclusion I could. You are selfish. You demand sacrifices of others that you are not willing to make yourselves. You both decided that Johannesburg’s grief didn’t matter when you covered Maximoff’s involvement and you also decided that Stark’s grief didn’t matter when you decided to cover Barnes’ involvement.”

Miriam swallowed with visible difficulty. The hand that was holding the tablet faltering in her agony.

 “In Siberia, you defended Barnes not only because he was tortured and mind controlled to do what he did, but because he was your friend. And now the question I want an answer to: knowing that it wasn’t only Stark that made that shell kill Maximoff’s parents, knowing that Johannesburg made Dr. Banner _persona non grata_ even after sentencing Ms. Maximoff for the Hulk’s rampage and now knowing that it wasn’t actually Edward Brock that killed Carter. Will you follow your own words, Mr. Rogers? Will you forgive him? Would you be willing to fight alongside him? After all: ‘It wasn’t him’.” Miriam smiled, humorlessly at what she was seeing. Steve couldn’t control it. He was ashamed, yes, but he was so angry, in a furious rage. That thing! That thing took Peggy away from him!

“Knowing that ‘it wasn’t him’ doesn’t make losing someone any less painful, does it?”

**Author's Note:**

> I am not denying Wanda's right to grieve in any way... her attack in the beginning of AoU and then subsequent 'she's a hero' campain made me feel less than sympathetic but she does have a right to grieve. Just like that right ends and turns into smoke the second she literally attacks someone else because she thinks she is owned that.
> 
> Just like the people in Johannesburg have all the right to not want the Hulk anywhere near AFRICA ever again even knowing about Wanda.
> 
> Just like one can't reasonably blame only Wanda for Lagos but we can't expect them to forgive her either or wanting her there.
> 
> But somehow Steve thinks that Tony shouldn't even KNOW what exactly he is grieving. Then again... Johannesburg.
> 
> Even being painfully aware that the people that made them hurt so much weren't on their right mind... well... what difference does it truly make? The pain doesn't go away. The people that died won't come back.
> 
> I don't know what Steve was expecting to accomplish by saying 'It wasn't him', did he truly think that this was in any way justification? Or an argument? That it was calming? We truly can't reasonably blame them, but pain is a feeling, and it has nothing to do with reason.


End file.
